It's really interesting to read about this from the "outside"(someone else's point of view). I've dealt with several abuse situations since I was a child and know how I "handle" it and get by.
I too do NOT like to open up about it. Ina very close situation I will let the other peerson at least know of the events so maybe they arent totally confused by some of my responses...but to actually talk about them....rare if ever. It maybe isn't so much that I dont want to "burden" them...buut Ive spent all my life pushing them to the back of my head to get by. I do agree with your statement "I think if she lets go, she is afraid she will lose control..." That's very true...whenever these emotions come to the forefront I have a horrible time...its very difficult to deal with and I do my damndest to push them back again.
It may sound cold....but talking doesnt help!(not in my case) It just makes it more vivid and painful and the only way that would ever help is if they never happened. I know I'll have a billion people disagree with me there...but it's how "I" feel.
I know it doesnt really help....but maybe a little more understanding what she "may" feel or think does.
Do keep being loving and showing her you care...that reassurance is extremely important. It sounds liek you've been together a long time....but don't think you can't still make progress in helping her deal with her own feelings.
I wish you luck,seb, it sounds like you have a good marriage with afew hard spots but i have faith it can be overcome.
Serenity