Another thing came to mind looking at all of this. I ahve another question, forgive me, this is all so new to my conciousness.
Can the scared little girl completely change her attitude or feelings for a little while? Or was it a fourth? Let me explain...
I was in the truck with my husband, we were going to town for a part for his tractor. I was telling him about the progress I was making and I was talking about a new memory that had surfaced, ...I get panic attacks when I go to town, or stay away from home too long....I got to the statement about KNOWING to look at Dad's eyes when I was very young, to know if it was Dad or The Monster...then sudddenly I had a squeezing in my chest, like a giant hand stopping my heart for an instant then releasing and immediately I felt an explosion in my head, without pain, a bright white light and it did not matter if my eyes were open or closed and I could see things in the "real world" on the outside edges fo the light, but not in it. I was very dizzy adn had to lay the seat back and lean over on the door. When this all cleared I was calm, and mellow. I had the feeling of a child sitting on a river bank letting the cool water rush over their bare feet, I saw a tree and head birds and felt the singing of some, "lalala..la..lala..lala.." song, very childlike, but pleasant and calm. For the entire time at the store, my husband held my hand gettign me inside and I found a huge wooden rocking chair on display. I sat there and felt glee at the huge chair. I told him, "I will just sit here while you look around". He knew this was out of character for me, I love the store we were in, I love the horse tact, etc. I alsway roam around looking at everything. He would come by and ask if i was ok, I could see the worry in him eyes...But all I could say was, "I am fine, just tired" and I felt like I was being silenced. When the explosion happened, I distinctly heard the words, "SILENCE!! Not another word!" Then I felt like a hostage in my own body. I was aware of what was going on outside of me. But I was numb from the neck down. I could feel my face, but everthing else was dulled.
Was that the scared Little Girl that I am aware of, or maybe another one I have yet to see? I am puzzled. It did not have the feel of the little girl I know.
Just wondering. She felt a little older too...not as young as Little Girl. None of them will tell me theri names, I ahve asked in my dreams...I think/feel the little girl's name is Jeanie. But not certain.