Well done for reaching out in this difficult time jiakhan. The fact that you are questioning whether or not to suicide suggests you have reasons for dying and reasons for living - so while you are not sure, it is a good idea I think to not make the decision to die. There are loads of therapists out there that will have a different approach to your previous experience. Would you stop eating all fruit because you didn't like bananas? Of course not. Perhaps you could try again? Or maybe this site will help meantime.

I hope you are able to ditch the label of loser you attach to yourself soon and concentrate on the good stuff about you (and yes there will be plenty of good stuff - it's just a matter of recognising it)

take care