I hear you. I have much the same trouble with my mother, and when she feels that I am irritated at the constant advice, nagging and criticism, she pulls back COMPLETELY. As she says, "It's (her) way or the highway." i finally had to let her reestablish the closeness when she pulls back, because she thinks when I do it, I'm apologizing and absolving her of responsibility for her actions, and I refuse to do this anymore. Be loving, but firm. Sorry that there is another "baby daughter" out there with this problem.
BTW, ever see the movie Like Water For Chocolate? THAT is a monster of a family dynamic, bt very, very common. HUGGGS