You've gotten a lot a good advice from some of the most caring people I've ever come in contact with. I don't get to the site often, but when I do these folks really help. What I want to speak to is the sitiuation with the siblings. Like your wife, I'm a survivor, too. I think most of us end up being overly responsible for everyone and everything. One of the most meaningful and appreciated things that my husband ever did for me was to tell my family during one of my bad patches that I was just too fragile to be able to help them out for a while and that all my energy needed to be focused inwardly. Since my family all know that I'm in therapy (but not exactly why) they backed off a little, and when they didn't my husband ran interferance for me. I felt so cared for that there was someone who put me first and made sure that others gave me my space. My family can be pretty demanding, and Mom got sulky that I wasn't "on call" like always, but after I was feeling stronger I was better able to deal with her and not go on such a guilt trip about it. So maybe that would help your wife, too. Keep some of the wolves away from the door so that she has the time to process and heal.
--Jane

Keep walking past the open windows.