I am going to tell my son all about his mother, my side of the story if you will, every time I see my son, which is not often, twice this year only, he asks me questions why I left his mom and left him, I keep on changing the subject as I felt he was not old enough to understand, he is only 7, I know feel this is the right time to tell him the truth.

his mom has instilled into him that I am a waste of space and that not to get to attached as I will ultimately leave him again, what he doesn’t understand is that I didn’t leave him, I left her, and she is the one stopping me from seeing him as often as I would like. It took me nearly 3 years to get to see him and that was only after visiting her works, and harassing her every day after she stopped taking my phone calls,

I had friends who worked in the same office has her, who also applied pressure to her to let me see him, they were her friends also until they saw the way she was treating me and denying me access to my son. She eventually caved after I told her I was applying for a court order to see him and it would mean I would see him during the week, during working hours and she would have to bring him whether she wanted to or not, and she would lose money. That eventually worked, I see him on weekends so it doesn’t affect her working week, I am not out to get her I just want to see my son.

I don’t want to lie to him has I know it will come back and bite me on the *** in later years, as it did with me and my dad, I swore my son would never go threw the same things as me as a child, I was told I was abandoned by my mother when I was 2 ½ years old, and my dad had gotten me made a ward of court as she didn’t want to know, I believed that for a while, but when my dad wouldn’t answer even the simplest of questions about her I became suspicious about what really happened, and now with the same situation happening to me and my son I don’t believe anything he has said to me regarding my own mother. I became severely depressed and hospitalised at the age of 13 that is when I started to SI, I left home at 15 and have been looking after myself since then, I have tried to track down my mother but to no avail, none of the “family” will talk about her even though my dad died 5 years ago.

If I don’t put a stop to the rot his mother keeps telling him about me I will lose him forever, I am going to tell him his mom had 3 affairs that I know of whilst we were married, she is still with the last 1 and he as brought up my son as is own so this is not going to be easy, I know he is not going to trust what I say over his mom but to back up my side of the story I still have the divorce papers signed by her stating that I divorced her for adultery, I want my son to know that I didn’t leave him, I had no choice, when I left I had to buy a car to live in, if I had had some ware to take him, he would have gone with me.

Also stated on the divorce papers it says I can have unlimited reasonable access to my son with over night stays, this was a stipulation of the divorce, it shows that I want to see him, and it is her stopping me. every time I see him I tell him I would like to see him more but he just says it is up to mom, the choice should be his, if he likes seeing me when he asks to see me or phone me, he should be allowed to do so.

It does not bother me that I have to travel over 200 miles each way to see him and half the time I have to sleep rough for the weekend as I cant afford a hotel or bed and breakfast when I visit London. I know when I tell him about his mom it is going to be harder to see him, but what have I got to lose, I have seen him twice this year for a total of 8 hours, how am I supposed to build any kind of relationship with him in such a short period of time, I see my chemist for longer over the year. I know it is a gamble but it is one I am willing to take.