I don't understand how I can be so depressed and so anxious at the same time. It doesn't make sense. I wish I could cry or something, but I won't...I haven't cried in at least 10 yrs.

But I am pushing myself today. I hit the gym already, did a couple miles on the elliptical, worked really hard on the weights. At least now I don't feel like a lazy piece of crap...I did something.

My ear is pounding and the whole side of my face hurts, and my other ear is now joining it. I'm probably going to have to see my primary on Monday....I really hate him. He always says "it's probably your mental illness". He won't ever give me anything for pain...even though I have never had substance abuse problems. Last year I tore my rotator cuff in a car accident and he wouldn't even send me for an mri or xray. By the time he referred me out there was so much damage i had to have surgery. I can't switch primaries until Nov because of my insurance.

Sorry I'm going on and on about this. Just have no one to talk to right now. But I went to the gym....that's good right?