That is a difficult one to answer. I have thought about it since yesterday off and on. I think it has to do with being able to give yourself the things you need at this time while you try to repair your marriage. You need to decide if your marriage is important to you, if it is worth saving. It took me many months in therapy before I made this decision. It is a decision that takes a lot of thought. Are you willing to put the effort and feel the pain that it takes to make your marriage work? It could take years of hard work, I am entering year three of learning how to work with my husband on our relationship. It is hard and sometimes it hurts alot. Some days I want to run away and leave it all behind. But I think it will be worth it in the end. If you can't make the commitment to put all you have in your marriage then it isn't fair to your wife or yourself to stay in it.

I would suggest that you start seeing a therapist to help you sort through your feelings. There is a reason you picked you wife to marry. If you don't figure out why it was you will just continue picking the same type of relationship over and over again. Once you figure out what you subconcious it doing then you can start making concious decisions on what your needs and wants are.

I find that the most important thing is honesty with yourself and your wife. I am not saying you need to bare your soul and tell her about your transgressions. I am saying that today if she does something that hurts you, if she says something that belittles you in anyway tell her. Use "I" statements. "When I hear those words I feel like I am not important except to earn a paycheck." "When I see that look on your face I feel like you think I am worthless." These things are very hard to say. I do it about once every 5 things that bother me because I am scared. But each time I say what I feel I become stronger and my husband understands me better. He wasn't aware of some of the things that he does that hurt me. Sometimes he out and out denies that he did anything at all, that I made it up. This upsets me, I usually write a letter to my T to make sure that I am still in reality. I work it all through over and over again. Then I go back and state my feelings again. Like I said it is hard work. It takes committment. Now I will shut up.
Zen<font color=blue>

Deal with the difficult while it is still easy. Solve large problems when they are still small. Preventing large problems by taking small steps is easier the solving them. Therefore, the Tao person anticipates and lives wisely, by small actions accomplishing great things.--From the Tao Te Ching