Dear dreamofpeace and Tishie,

I had a brother (he's dead now) who was in a way like your sons, in and out of prisons and mental hospitals, a drug addict, blamed everything on our parents, was as nasty as possible to everyone in the family. I lived with that for years and years. My impression is that such people are almost beyond reach. They don't learn anything from their psychiatrists, T's, imprisonments, stays in hospital. All you can do (and I think it's a lot) is make sure, make absolutely sure, that they know that if they're willing to treat people decently, the door is open for them to come back and to be welcomed. No money gifts, no loans, no drugs, as long as they can live with those standards then they can visit anytime. And be welcomed, and treated well.

There's nothing you can do to change them permanently. Nothing at all. Some people are like that. They're the cuckoos in the nest. They inherited the wrong genes that exist within their parents. All people have such genes. Not all people give those genes to their children. It's just a matter of chance. Like having a child who is autistic or schizophrenic or leukemic. And I'm sure it just kills you because you love them so much. Most lives include some such tragedy. Not necessarily poisonous children. Could be a hundred other things. This is one of the reasons people believe in God. I won't go into that further because it's not allowed here. Take care.