A few more ramblings and attempts to make sense of things:

I am willing to let the kids stay with H if it is best to them, so that they don't have to move. Not because he says that I am too unstable. I am not giving them up! They are welcome to come and live with me at any time. I would love to have them.

I am willing to help to support the children, take care of them, and meet their needs as much as I can. I would rather help out as needed and as I am able to rather than having an imposed or set "child support payment." Child support is for the children, not for H, and legally can't be negotiated in trade for something else. Thanks Mary for clarifying that for me!

I am willing to sacrifice some things that I want so that I can live independently.

I am not willing to settle for less than I deserve because of H's accusation that I "never did anything for him." I did the best that I could for 20 years. I bore three children and raised them. I changed 99.99% of the diapers (he complained loudly about the few that he ever had to deal with). I tried to take care of the house. I wasn't good at it - nobody ever taught me how - I did better than my mother did. I tried to make the budget work even though most of what we had was debt. I sacrificed my education, career, and sense of self-worth. I tried to contribute to family income by what means I had.

I tried to return his affections. He kept wanting more than I could give, and I kept giving at tremendous emotional cost to myself. I tried to keep the family together, long after I was miserable, and only decided to leave when I knew that trying to stay was hurting more than just me. I was always honest about that.

My career has been delayed by 20 years, and now I will have no access to health insurance or retirement funds. I am giving up almost all of my animals, and any semblance of stability or comfort that I had. It is not fair to accuse me of being motivated by money or gain. Those things are not true.