Amen to all your wrote, Rapunzel! That is a great list. You do deserve to exist!
You are so right about how you did contribute to the marriage and family for 20 years even if you weren't the primary breadwinner. When spouses delay their careers for the family they give up a lot in earning power and that can be taken into consideration during a divorce. I truly commend you for putting your kids first and wanting the best for them.
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now I will have no access to health insurance or retirement funds
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If your H has retirement funds, you can negotiate to get part of those in the settlement. Also, if he has health insurance through his employer, you can have access to that through the COBRA program for a couple of years after the divorce (but you would have to pay the monthly premium for yourself).
Good luck to you on your path.
