mellors,

i've come back to this thread many times and just couldn't put into words everything that i was feeling about your post. i'm going to try, but i know i won't completely succeed.

i can only go by personal experience here and what it did to the child in me when my parents told me much more than i could even process. it was confusing and devastating. also, i felt like then i didn't have ONE parent who cared enough or that i didn't doubt. that was a very insecure and scary feeling to have. they were trying to show me that they did care by pointing these things about about the other, but it had the opposite affect for a child who was too young to understand...a child about your son's age. it caused massive hurt and confusion. they were each telling me all these things about the other that i didn't really understand and it caused me to be afraid of each of them. ultimately, as a child, it all became my fault because children just tend to do that.

the thing that neither parent realized is that they didn't need to say any of those things for my love. in fact, my love and respect would have been greater if they hadn't because i then felt defensive for the other parent. i know you said that you don't have anything to lose, but your son might. it caused me great emotional upset that i remember to this day.

i'm just speaking from personal experience and don't know anyone in your situation well at all, so it might be entirely different. however, i know that alot of 7 yr olds aren't emotionally capable of handling adult issues and problems.

i would certainly reinforce the fact that you've always wanted to be with him more and that adult issues prevented it, but that those issues, even though they've had affect, can't change your love for him. i would work thru other avenues if i could...enforcing the visitation, strengthening the relationship with son so that as he gets older he'll know that you wanted to be with him more without it even having to be said, etc.

good luck (((((((((((((mellors))))))))))))) you're constantly in my thoughts.

kd