I am not sure is it Borderline? I am always afraid of people abandoning me. Everytime when people abandon me, i sink deep into my depression and i got suicidal. I idolize people to the extreme, i workship the ground they walk on. The people i chase after are usually unavailable and female in authority figure like therapist and teachers. I have an extremely bad temper problem. I think about suicide everyday. My therapist who is also my clinician said i don't have borderline, but it all just trauma. I am not sure is this BPD.