I came home tonight and looked around to once again realize that my life story has been nothing but waste.

An book that could have been finished, but was dull and full of errors to ever be something worthy.

...and every night I ask myself where and how exactly did I get trapped in this sorry place.

Well, here is what I been thinking:

I often feel like my problems are such a burden to this community, to my friends, and family... to EVERYBODY.

Its like no matter how many times I feel like trying to get help by talking out certain issues in my life, I feel like I'm just throwing up things that thousands of people have said before, and have dealt with and moved on from in this world.

often people ask me, "hey are you alright?" or "you look like your having a bad day"

My usual response is, "its nothing" or, "I'm alright just tired" (which is not far from the truth).

Sometimes I want to so bad just say, "you want to know what the damn problem is? well HERE...." and just spill it. Of course no one has time for a rant, with all the problems in thier corner of the universe, and it seems like no one really wants to hear another lost soul explain where they went wrong in life.

So I can't just come to my family, my friends, to this community or anybody. When I do have the urge to explain myself, I have been told to much that, "everything will be ok" and its not.

I have been told to much that, "you'll get over it" to take a glimmer of hope to the heart.

I have been pushed away, ignored, dragged around , and used to ever accept a compliment...

I have seen the uninterseted expressions too long, to care anymore whether I'm heard or not, and it hurts so much to know these things about myself.

I feel like I'm just stuck. Stuck too much in my ways to ever explain what is truly bothering me, and too afraid of myself to truly look inside and find a way to get out of this...thing (whatever it accurately is)

I know (I can feel) it is slowly breaking me in ways I can't face anymore...
I feel that one day I'm going to snap and thats going to be the end of it, the end of the me that I envisioned for too many years.

I'm traped in a hole of my own creation.


...either way Its just another lock on the door thats keeping in this depressing room, and for some reason I keep losing the key.