I don't know whether you're in the right spot either. It doesn't seem like a phobia or an anxiety problem to me, but that is only my opinion.
It does sounds as if you do want to be the best and because you're not you get upset. And you admit that you get paranoid because you think others can do things better than you.
Drawing is a subjective skill, some people draw one study better than another or in a different way. I can't draw a straight line because I have astigmatism in both eyes so you can be better than me in that.
And I am concerned by your
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I also hate it when people have it worse than me, yet are so much nicer and sweeter.
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feelings.
Just because some people have grace in their situation and can be kind to others when they need support is not a reason to hate or dislike them. Such people have found peace with their circumstances and are gracious and kind enough to help those who are feeling pain. I think the issues you have could be narcissisitc in nature but that is only because I am reading from what I know. It's not a diagnosis.
Do you have a Mental Health Diagnosis at all? Or a therapist or Doctor?