Hi folks,

I've put this thread in general because I think that people with all kinds of illnesses can get mood changes alongside the other symptoms. I want to know how people deal with the mood changes that happen to them.

I have done a lot of 'personal improvement' work on this part of my illness. Years ago I would act on a mood change, maybe do something very irrational, get verbal with someone, or blame them for my sudden anger, or break something. I've been known to drive all the way back from a holiday, with my long suffering passenger fuming in the car beside me.

The thing was, that acting out my anger, doing something, made me feel better about the mood change. It transferred the feeling inside me to something outside me. It somehow 'got rid' of it and I would then rationalise this in my head, saying that someone or something had upset me.

These days I don't do that. For years now I have been able to internalise a mood change. As soon as I hear myself getting 'snappy' I start work on it, and within maybe five minutes I can say to whoever I'm with, "Sorry, I have had a mood change, that was out of order, it happens to me - not your fault."

There is still a delay time between the change kicking in and me taking responsibility for it, but it's quite short. The problem is that I still feel as if I had acted upon it. I still have all the emotions as if I had trashed my apartment and run screaming through the streets, although I haven't done that of course.

The emotions are - sudden anger (the change kicking in) - shame (because I am still suffering these storms) - and then remorse (as if I had done something really bad, which I haven't).

I'm usually with my wife when the anger pops out, and I always ask her, "How was I? Did I shout just then?" She says, "No, it's alright, you were just like a regular person, it's no big deal."

Even after all these years, my strategy is still behavioural, and I am never 100% sure that I'm not going to throw a few pots and pans.

Of course, you folks here know my story so I won't go through it again. But how do you deal with it? How is it for you?

Cheers, M