Hon, do you know what a BMI is? Look it up and then find a BMI calculator and see where you are on the scale. Hopefully that will make you feel better about your 'weight issues'. I do think you should look into an exercise program, adrenaline is a lot like amphetamine and it's certainly not as harmful, plus with exercise you get a bonus! Dopamine production! The body's feel good drug! Mainly you need to address the emotional issues that are the driving force behind the addiction and disorders. You say the only thing keeping you going is horse back riding, what about the other stuff that goes with it? The grooming, ground work, developing a relationship with the animal? You see, I understand about the horses, I was a trainer/trader at one time and will probably be one again in the future. There's more to horses than the ride, just like there's more to you than your addiction and disorders...what about the rest of you?