"But it can be frustrating not to understand how "else" one is to learn not to become afraid of spiders; I could understand if there were spiders around the place she had to touch that she saw and were objecting to specifically, but she was just objecting to the "might be" of the situation, it sounds like to me and that can be dangerous, in my experience, dealing with anxiety and fear. Being afraid of the might be can make one afraid to be afraid and I've been there, done that, got the teeshirt but didn't get over it until my 50's!"
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I've been here a year and haven't mastered, how to quote a portion of a post yet lol...did it once but don't know how I did it.

Anyway I get what you're saying in that paragraph. You're right, there wasn't a spider on the control pad, but webs over head so it was a 'might be' situation' and I agree those situations can be negotiated. For example if she want's something in the basement at night, she's afraid to go down and turn on a light. Recently with some encouragement, she can do this now. She likes bugs, not bees or spiders but has held a Tarantula(go figure lol)

I realize part of this fear could be from me, because I get creeped out by them too and we have so many around here. I've tried not to transfer my fear to her. Plus the other day she picked up a shirt off the floor and there was a large spider. So I understand what you're saying about fears and not carrying this around until she's a woman.