puddles, i feel the same way. the only people i can truly be honest with about how i feel are the people i met in the outpatient program at the hospital and the folks here. no one else understands. everyone else close to me in real life that knows about my depression admits that they don't understand. so i end up not reaching out because i don't want to overwhelm them or have them take turns putting me on suicide watch. *sigh* i feel totally lost. and yeah, it's the same for me- the only reason i stick around is because i don't want to hurt the people who love me. it's a good enough reason, but it doesn't make the pain go away. people ask me about the future and i say "i have to concentrate on getting through today." i'd suggest finding a therapist, though. that does help.