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lynn09 · Aug 29, 2010, 01:44 PM

(((((dps))))) Your true self has been held prisoner by your abusers' lies from the very beginning. What your abusers told you is the very same thing that all abusers tell their victims - my own brother's favorite words, echoing what our parents said to me my entire life, "You're nothing. You're nobody. You don't have any rights." Abusers are unable to assign value to themselves and must rely on how others perceive and assign value to them - this is the damage inflicted on their identities by their own abusers, and the damage they inflict on their victims to enslave them - to make their victims dependent upon them for acceptance - they will define and forcibly impose on their victims' identities that serve their own self-interests - they will control how their victims are portrayed to and perceived by others to justify abusing their victims and to manipulate others into abusing their victims for them. The ultimate goal of all abusers is to control everyone's perception of reality in order to enhance how they are perceived and assigned value by others to validate their own right to exist, believing that truth and reality are mere products of perception; i.e., "I can deceive and manipulate others into perceiving me as thus, therefore I am" and "I can deceive and manipulate others into perceiving you as thus, therefore you are."

But, in your intense pain and fear, dps, I hear something very positive. Your words sound so much like "labor" - your true self still trapped in the "womb" and struggling to be born so that it can live. All of life is birth and death - when we are born physically, we die to the world we have known since conception and are born into a new reality; and throughout our life experiences, we die to one set of circumstances in order to be born into another.

Your true self is struggling and fighting so hard to be born, to finally achieve a state of being, so that you can live the full, rich, worthwhile life that is intended for each of us - it's not about what we and/or others think we "deserve," but what we NEED to become healthy, strong, fully-functioning individuals able to create worthwhile lives for ourselves and to be a benefit to others. For your true self to be born into such a life of potential and possibility, it must die to the world of your abusers' lies where it has been trapped for so long, where it feels a sense of "comfort" only because of its familiarity. Of course it is terrifying and excruciatingly painful to die to the known and be born into the unknown; hence the pessimistic viewpoint, "Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know;" but, truer still is the optimistic viewpoint, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

You are so much stronger, dps, than you realize - just look at all that you have already survived and accomplished - and give yourself credit. The very fact that you have continually reached out to others for help, and even to help others, despite your abusers' corrupted programming and the damage they have inflicted upon you is irrefutable proof of your tremendous courage, strength of character, personal integrity, veracity, tenacity, determination, compassion, empathy, etc. - qualities that more than justify your existence and validate your right to live - your right to die to the world of your abusers' lies in order to bring your true self into a state of being - your right to be who you choose to be and to live the life you desire.

Be proud of who you are, dps; I am, and I'm honored to call you "Friend." lynn09