hi puddlesup, I am in a similar place...I know the pain, the loneliness, the deep dark hole that we fall into. I keep going for my kids...although they are young adults now. A therapist can help though, and medications can alleviate the pain a bit...at least for a while. I had several months without depression on medication...that gives me hope. Currently it seems like it stopped working, but I try to tell myself it's temporary.