I don't know where to begin with this ramble. I am so fed up with everything. I lost an important online emotional relationship in the last few months which meant a lot to me because I take so few risks with any relationships online or real life. The way this one turned out with the person not caring about my needs or feelings and only using me while treating me like crap if I wanted something my way and with no compassion to my situation, only makes me want to crawl back into my hole and live out the rest of my days alone. I'm getting older and running out of time, and the love I so long for just seems to cruely elude me to where I don't really care anymore.
And then there were people who were helping me here with support from that break up I desperately needed who have just disappeared on me. For months now!!! They won't even answer messages I send to them simply asking how they are! I don't know what it is in me that keeps attracting people to me who say they care but then prove they don't.
Then there is my med situation. I use to drink a lot to help me sleep cause I am such an insomiac with ocd thoughts at night. I stopped that, but now use meds to help me sleep that my doctor says I can't keep doing cause they might harm my kidneys. And on top of that I can't afford insurance to help me keep tabs on my health. I am tempted to just get off all the meds and go back to drinking so I can numb the pain of not being able to connect in any kind of relationships. My attitude about people is so poor right now, and getting worse everyday, that I'd just as soon go live as a hermit in the mountains as far away from people as I could get. Thanks for reading my rant. Needless to say, I have nothing to look forward to except getting older and more alone.