feary,
Sorry this thread has deteriorated from your earnest question.

I do understand your wanting relief and how not knowing how to find that seems like there must be something magical about how others do find it, come to a place of acceptance.

I think it will come for you if you can be a bit more open to the possibility of it. Maybe change your stance from 'there is no hope' to 'there must be hope somewhere because others have found hope and learned to deal with these fears'. Take that openness to your therapy. It's hard but we must; closed doors can be inpenetrable.

If you like to read, there is a funny book titled "I Feel Bad About My Neck" by Nora Ephron. She is also a screenwriter and is known for "When Harry Met Sally", "Sleepless in Seattle" and "Julie & Julia" (she wrote with her sister). I really enjoyed the book and laughed out loud. Maybe it could give you a bit of relief too