So you've messed up from time to time...and you've a medical condition to boot...yes a medical condition that manifests itself emotionally and mentally.

The issue isn't whether you messed up last week, year, or even in the last decade, the issue is doing something about it so the messing up will be less or eliminated.

Since you are able to claim 9 years sobriety, I'd say you're doing a pretty good job of 'doing something about it'.

I know this is something AA and the other A's promote but it's still a good thing...Make amends.

What most people don't realize is that making amends isn't for the person you are apologizing to, it's for yourself. It helps you to let go of that feeling of worthlessness/ unworthiness...it helps you to move on and work on the present and future rather than staying stuck in the past.

The manic phase of bipolarism is kinda like being a 13 year old out to have a good time, with adult pursuits. Everything seems like a good idea and what the heck are consequences? After all, who's going to ground you when you're over the age of 18?

Basically it's that during those times your faculties are impaired. It's not that you want to make poor choices, it's that you don't have the ability to not make those choices. After all, it's all just a good time.

Make your amends, after all it's for you that you do so, and when you are forgiven by others, they too are doing so for themselves...not just for you.

Guilt is the emotion that does us the most harm, when it is allowed to grow after it's done it's job...

You can't change yesterday, and today is all you really can work with, tomorrow is just a dream.