I'd have to side with your T on this.
Let me also try and be a voice of reason??
My thoughts:
You can't even stand up to your mother, and you expect to stand up to your father?
I think you have irrational expectations.
Quote:
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I will stay silent about what I know because he will have all these excuses lined up (they know I am in therapy but think it is for other stuff and so it is like he is waiting for the other shoe to drop.) (( That makes me glad my dad is feeling that because now he knows what it was like for us kids growing up! )).
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The above paragraph tells me you aren't going to stand up to him, but subject yourself to more abuse and lies ... why?
It also tells me you think you know his thoughts. Mind-reading is a dangerous sport and is a cognitive distortion that needs work.
You're operating off of the imagined idea that he's living in fear of everyone finding out. He's not in fear. He's out and about and expects family to just fall in line and do what they are expected to do by the mother and he, and keep their mouths shut. I'll bet he has no idea what it's been like for you and your siblings. If he were living in fear, he wouldn't see any of you and wouldn't allow your mother to either, imo.
If you insist on going against your T's advice, for which you spend a lot of time and money asking for, then at least plan on a very short time limit around your parents? Make sure you have it set up so your plan b will allow you to escape in a way that you are strong enough to, not just think you will say you need to leave and then leave. I think you'll need a good excuse to escape.
You garner strength, you ask others to jump on your bandwagon here, that you are going to be some kind of hero by ... what?
You expressed two real red flags for me: 1) that you felt happy that your dad is living waiting for the other shoe to drop and 2) you feel you need to do this to be right to prove it to your T that you are right.
You aren't thinking rationally, imo. Please take the bold step and change your mind and let them know. Support your siblings and let them know you aren't going to be involved either? This is not the time for denial. You're trying to heal, remember? To be retraumatized, even if it's just a high percentage that you would be, isn't worth the upheaval it can cause.
I think your T shared what he did, making it more personal, in an attempt to make it clear to you that he cares, that he is telling you that he really, really thinks that this is NOT in your best interest. He's throwing all he can at you in hopes you will make the right decision. He can't tell you what to do, can't make you not do what you plan to, but he has surely done all he can to help you make the right decision.
Please take care of yourself.
Sometimes the support a person needs is tough love. Please accept it.
