JD, Thank you for your input. I am not sure where you got that I needed to stand up to my mother though. That is not a part of my stuff. And I can tell what that sociopath thinks because he made me a part of his sickness from the time I was 3 months old. I do know him and I do know how he thinks. I also know that I have only a few options:

1) If I refuse to see my folks when they come through, I hurt my mom. She is a victim of my father since she was still a child even though she was 18 when they met and he was 36. He lied to her about his age, about being married, about having 5 other kids, about being a pedophile along with other things. While it is not my job to protect her, I do love her and I am sick of allow my father's sickness prevent me from seeing my mother.

2) There are things I know he would do to fatally harm my mother and other innocent people if I "told" on him. He has been in jail for a fraction of what he did. So there is risk. But that is why I will not say anything to him in words. I know that he will not say anything to me first because he doesn't want to open that door. He is busy enjoying the good feelings of his other daughter wanting him to walk her down the isle - even though he did the same stuff to her when she was 4 yrs old... but she can "forgive" him. I won't.

By my eyes, he will know. It is not lies. This is the truth. And it is not further abuse. Further abuse would be for me to allow him to go to his grave thinking that I still love him. My love is what kept him from ending his life many times. I do know he is waiting for the other shoe to drop because I talk with him every single night when I call home. Every day I have therapy I hear it in his voice and he was asking me what I remembered and what I was working on in therapy. I told him it was not his business.

This is not denial of anything. I know full well what it is like to live with a pedophile who is someone T and I also highly suspect is a murder and who is a genius who once worked for NASA. He wanted me to be just like him - the son who would be like he was (yuck). Anyway, ever wonder what it is like to be a child who is raised to think the way the psycho thinks.... the way a killer thinks.... the evil that they have... Denial is not something I know.

What I do know is that this is something that needs to be done. And I am not asking for anyone to jump on a bandwagon. I am only saying that I am going to look my abuser in the eye and let him know with my soul just exactly what is on my mind. And if they ever wanted to do that but could not do it because of whatever situation, well, I will do it with them in my heart too.

This is NOT something I could do with my ex-husband or my other abuser who lives blocks from me. But it is something I can do with this coward.

Also, I am not doing it to prove anything to my T. He just gave me fuel to do it by him not having a clue as to who I really am on a very deep level. Even when I took the PTSI-R last week, he admitted that there were a few things he was very surprised about and did not expect. It is not his fault he does not yet know me fully. I am one of the most guarded and locked down humans walking.

This one is for me. I know that. And yes, I have worked very hard with my S/O on the plans for the one day they will be here.

Thank you for your input though. It helps me to solidify my own logic and my own rational thinking. And I like that about me. I do this my way... the way I need to do it.