As far as I know everybody gets depressed sometimes but I think that is mostly situational, which is not to say that it can't be brutal. I am not trying to sound like this is a secret club or anything but those who suffer with a mental disorder (mine is bipolar II) that causes depression can be "in the darkness" at any time or mostly all the time. Still, those without a disorder can only respond with what they know. I recently was contacted by an old high school friend & in catching each other up on our lives, I was honest & told her about my daily fight with my disorder which mostly causes deep, dark depression. Her response was "I understand what you are going through. I almost killed myself once." Then she mentioned that at the time her marriage was rocky, she was having a lot of migraines & her daughter was a teenager. Like I said - situational. Not that it was somehow trivial or wasn't a horrible time for her. It just didn't continue to be something that she had to deal with for the rest of her life. But that is all she could connect it to. It didn't upset me. It just reminds me how important this type of forum & support groups are.

As far as your feelings go, O.Kay, the "I don't want to be here" thing goes through my mind all the time, not just during a bad episode. Like you, I don't want to hurt anybody & my faith also keeps me here. Sometimes that makes me angry. Just remember that even when people think they get it but really don't, they are doing the best they can to understand & ultimately want what is best for us. Then come on here & tell us exactly how it makes you feel. We get it.