Thanks, everybody, for your words and encouragement. You make my feelings valid and that helps a lot.

I'm kind of afraid of what's going to happen to me over the next couple of weeks. I just closed a really big, important, emotional chapter in my life: yesterday was the final performance of the musical I've been working on since May. Even though I never got super super close with any of the people I was working with, the whole show and the whole situation was just such a huge deal to me. The show itself (RENT for those who know it) has such a powerful message behind it that really struck me during our final performance. I felt like up until that point I had been so disconnected from the text and the songs because I didn't want to start crying or getting really emotional during the performance, but last night I listened to what I was actually saying:

"I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul, my only goal
Is just to be."

So much of my summer and my self are still tied to those people, those words, that show, that stage, and now it's just... over. Generally when I finish a show I try to sever all my ties quickly, like a bandaid, just rip it out of my life... but the connection I felt to that show yesterday makes my desire to disconnect from everyone and everything fade away. It's good and bad at the same time. Something changed so suddenly and immediately, I feel like I either have to relearn how to be me, or I have to give that up and become someone new and different.

The next few weeks I can tell are going to be a period of great transition for me, either back into my old life or into a new one. I'll try my best to keep up with a journal and try not to let things get out of hand.

Thanks for reading.