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I came into this marriage with baggage. I love my husband dearly, and he would never knowingly harm our children physically or mentally, but still I have issues. For many years he resented the fact I did not trust him to be the disciplinarian.
I always said that I would honor my kids' opinions and never use "because I said so". That was not realistic. You can explain to a child until you are blue in the face that good dental hygiene is important, but they just don't care. So... you do it because I say so.
I hope that you continue to encourage your children to stand up for themselves and voice their beliefs. But I do hope that you insist that they show him the respect he is due simply being their father. My husband and I worked out a system that my kids actually figured out about 12. If he is speaking to them in a tone I do not like, I will say something completely off topic which is a signal that we need to talk privately.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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