You are moving forward even if it doesn't feel like it is right now. It took a while to get this down in the pit so its going to take some time to get back out. Meanwhile I find it best to avoid the negative thinking that is pulling you down. You won't be able to make sense of much. Your brain is playing tricks on you. That is a symptom of the condition. I find some comfort in that in the sense that it helps me to shut off the dialogue. Even if I don't feel it and even when it sounds like bunk I affirm my self worth. If beating myself makes me feel worse then I figure building myself up can only make me feel better. At least it doesn't make it worse. Unless of course I argue with my affirmations. Been there, done that. Useless waste of time.

You have to be your own best friend. You have to do whatever you have the energy and will to take care of yourself. Make healthy choices dispite your urges to do the opposite. Take that walk even if all you can manage is short walk around the block. Observe things outside of yourself. Deny yourself for one minute, then two, then three and so on permission to complain and see only defeat.

Its all about you right now. About you finding your way out of the depression.

I was rescued by my local mental health centre. I had been isolated in my own dispair for months and months when I found myself there looking for help. I met with a counsellor and given my state he wanted to hospitalize me. Because I am a single mom and had no one to care for my son we agreed instead that i would come everyday to talk with him. A few days later I was well enough to reduce that to once a week until he hooked me up with a pdoc.

You will get better. It won't always be this bad. You are very brave. The first step is the hardest and you have already done that. Keep the faith.