Hey Bitter, welcome to PC!! Sorry you are having such a rough go of it. I understand alot of the frustration tho, I am 46 adn have had every wrong therapy you can get, lol. I have recently began making progress with my new/old T. She is great and experienced with PTSD/ DID/ etc...gl out there in the new place. I could not move to the city.
I also have not like "cutsie" stuff most of my life, but I felt it to be weakness...being girly/cutsie, etc. But now I just do what I feel...and it is ok ...