((DPS)) You sound overwhelmed. While I may not have answers to your questions exactly what helps me in these moments is journaling. I write/type what ever pops into my head and I try not to make sense of it. I just let it flow. I then try and make sense of it later by sharing it with T. I find if I don't write it down then I lose my thoughts/feelings. Feelings kind of 'come up' to the surface for me and it takes me a while to process things.

In general I hate any feelings that resemble discomfort: anger, confrontation etc.. I was trained growing up that I was bad/wrong for having these feelings and it's hard to change that but I'm working on it as frustrating as it may be much of the time (I've become an expert at repressing feelings).

There's a part of me in my heart that my head can't get to. A wall if you will that I wish I could break down and let those feelings go. If I could do that then I could find peace.

Wishing you peace.