Fool - you mentioned you have so much to give to someone - which to me sounds to be true - you are a good provider, want to be passionately involved with someone, want to have a connection that is not just about the physical side of things - so I don't understand why it seems you have given up so easily or why you are settling for a life where you feel nothingness or a life where all your feel is panic and desperation. Can you step back - seperate from both of those situations - and yes that means that the woman you have supported will have to go on to support herself - but it is probably time. And give yourself time to breathe. think about what you really want - and don't settle for less because you do still have time - age is just a number - you could still have 30 years to live and love someone - don't you want that someone to be the "love of your life." You can't do that if you don't know what you want in the first place. Is honesty important to you? What about financial stability? A Sense of Humor? Fidelity? Are there any thing that are deal breakers? Right now it seems you are willing to accept any behavior just so you don't have to be alone. You have to be comfortable alone with yourself in order to be comfortable with another. I have the greatest hope you will find someone to love!