What is this unrelenting pain? I swear my heart hurts literally aches and thuds so loudly in my ears and head. What is this pain that shoots through my entire body and paralyzes me?

Anger that my grandson has deserted me, wiped me like a snotty nose? or is it sadness?
Anger that DJ's daughter treats me so badly? or sadness?
Anger that I allowed my family to treat me so badly for years so that they can hopefully love me in some way? or is that sadness too?

I need to work these things out so that I know where I am because the tears won't stop and I don't like that.

Today is tuesday for me so it must be anger....tuesday is when much anger is shown....why am I not showing it? Why am I swallowing it? Or trying to swallow it, it gets stuck in my throat and won't go down any further....I'm asking for help