i have to find a way to end it

this is too intense and hopeless

just that this happened at all is enough to ruin my life forever

there is no recovery for me

i do not want to die soon I know no one does

but I have two small children and I can't handle that I could die soon and that i will think about aging and dying all day every day so I need to end it
there is no hope

and it has been proven that nothing helps or works for me