I'm sorry you feel so bad now, Elana. I think it does take time to grieve and make peace with major changes in our lives (your therapist retiring). I think sometimes other big things, like school and how difficult it is, get in the way with their largeness. Eventually, with school, I had to remind myself that it was just the "next step" the next paper or test, I didn't have to "graduate" tomorrow and figure out the rest of my life, I just had to study for the next little bit. It took a long time but I was able to quite worrying about the end of the course, the final exam and how hard the work looked for the end of the course, etc. when I was only starting or in the middle. Keep breaking stuff down and it might not make you quite so anxious?