Hi Rainbow8
I think I know how you are feeling, and maybe with me telling you this it might help in some way. I was one of these person that never liked to have hugs, touches, etc. without having some of my alters go crazy inside. But when I fount the right therapist, she had to sometimes restraining some of my littles from hurting themself, her office, window etc. Once they realized that her touches didn't hurt, the whole system seems to want the physical touch from the T. Now haven't been with a T for sometime and I can find that some of my alters and even myself long for the safeness of touch really miss getting that touch from my T. It's not a sexual feeling but a longing for the touching with safety. Maybe there is something with in you that might long for safe feeling you can get from someone, like a T. My child hood was where touches always hurt most of the time, and our family wasn't a "touching" affection while I was growing up. So is that something you might be feeling?