You haven't been on the meds long enough to determine if there going to help you - sometimes they don't help and sometimes the person is feeling so low, they don't help much. Can you for now, stop thinking about your past and judging your life and relationships. You can change the past and now's not the time to think of all your regrets.

At this time, all you should be thinking about in getting through each day and surviving...taking care of yourself. Every time a negative thought comes in, put it on a shelf - don't deal with it. All you have is right now..this moment. If you feel worse than before the meds, maybe you should call your doc.

I think you should stop calling yourself names - that won't help you. Make a list of things you have to do tomorrow and they can be simple tasks, even taking out the garbage lol. One of the things on your list is 1.stop being your worst enemy. You wouldn't treat a friend like you treat yourself - right? So you deserve to treat yourself better, talk to yourself better. This is your task for tonight and tomorrow.