I know when someone close to you dies you're supposed to go through this normal "process", like denial, anger, acceptance, and whatnot.

But I don't think I've gone through it. My mom died at 49 on December 24th. That was a few months ago. And since then my mood and behavior has become highly unstable and unpredictable and often fairly destructive. I've chalked it up to a difficult break up that started happening only a couple of months after my mom died but I'm starting to realize that maybe I've become so volatile because I just buried my grief.

I didn't cry much over my mom. I didn't talk about her or think about her. For a while, painfully, it felt as though I'd never had a mother. Like she was just some memory of a storybook I read as a child.

I'm seeing my doctor in a few days to start tackling these mood problems I've been having but it's caused so much upset over the past few months that I'm losing one of the only dear friends I have, and my relationship with my brother and father is breaking apart.

I've always been depressed and I've never handled break ups well, but since my mom died it's like I've become a completely different person.