(((((((((((((((((sweetsorrow)))))))))))))))))))))))),

I can understand your feelings......My mother died this last January of cancer. From the time she came home from the hospital for needed transfusions, I was with her 24/7 through the ID theft trauma by the RN, the police, & her loosing all her cognitive abilities in just 1 1/2 months. All I can see is the suffering she went through......the questions she constantly asked me about when she was going to get better.....to the 2 hours before she died when I had to tell her that it was ok to die & that her life would never be what she wanted it to be if she did survive (by that time, the cancer was all over her body).

Like you, when anyone says something, it seems to trigger the memories & the flood of tears.....even the weather change has become a huge trigger reminding me of how I felt when I was trying to make sense out of everything last year.

I think what you are experiencing is normal.....it is part of the grief process that we go through especially the first year afterwards. I know that my depression is starting to haunt me again......don't know if it is the cause of the effect of what I am going through.....but what you are describing sounds like a normal process of grieving & just memories that our mind keeps.

I ended up very ill from stress & exhaustion by the time my mother died.....right after I told her it was ok to die, I ended up back in the hospital with anorexia problems, anemia & malnutrition. I got the call in the hospital that she had died.

Still today, all I can see of my mother was how much suffering she had & the fact that no one was honest with me about what was going on......I had to figure it out in my own mind without any support from her doctors or even my psychiatrist or psychologist....being an only child.....I was completely alone even though I had a husband.

I hope you realize that what you are experiencing is normal...it is a scarry feeling, but knowing that others go through similar feelings hope allows you to realize that you are not being different.

Take care of yourself.....& realize that others have similar feelings as you are going through,
Debbie