((((((((( dps )))))))))

I hope you are not making those truths too hard on yourself.

If you were in fear of speaking through out your childhood and then that carries on into adulthood then there is no wonder you were unable to say anything at all. The grip of fear does lessen. I have seen this over the time I have known you where you have gradually said more and more. This is good.

Please don't blame yourself for distrusting others, that is something that has carried on from the abuse of the past and the ongoing fear. If all you ever knew was to keep things hidden and that kept you safe then it's totally understandable that it carries on.

I'm so glad you have a friend in real life that is understanding and is truly there for you.

As for the DID thing. You know we all go through that, it's such a rare disorder and so awful to think what the child went through and it hurts so much as an adult. You are DID but remember that is what kept you alive and saved you from horrendous pain.

I know for me, half my life was missing some dreadful things happened and the next thing I knew I was in therapy with the top psychologist in my country. It wasn't till a few years that we even discussed DID, though he knew it all the way along. It's a scary diagnosis and requires long term therapy. I can tell you though that you do get to healing though it may not seem like it right now.