Bitter, it is hard to be responsible for alters when u r still unaware. I have only recently "accepted" mine and that seemed to ease things. I had one that was very angry. When I was raped she took over and for 2 years was completely out of control. That time is just a blur. I barely remember anything from then. But I did not know what was wrong with me. I thought I had lost it.
I am not completely "divided". I have alters, but we are more like splintered. I can see and know what is going on, just no control. But when things are really bad, I do lose time. That is normally a short period of time. Mostly I feel like I am not myself and living in a "dream" state. Or I feel like I have been hijcked in my body. I can see out and know what is going on, but feel nothing in my body and am acting out of character for me. I know it sounds crazy, but it is the way I am. I am working on getting better.
My traumatized Little Girl, Jeanie, would pop out instantly when she was in hysterics and it would regress me to her age and I really looked insane at those times. But I am working on integration. I can now communicate with her and she is trusting me more and showing me more memories of what really happened. We are closer adn working together , now. She still doesn't speak. She uses body language. I have only heard her speak twice. But we are doing better, she spoke last week in session with T.
Oh, I give hugs all the time, sorry if it offends. I will not hug you, since you do not like it. But I am a hugger. Not cutsie, just me.