i can't stop thinking about death and how comforting death is to me, i know these thoughts are very selfish but i can't stop them as i am typing this also to distract me from those thoughts. i seem to be trapped in a very dark space and can't get out. i don't want to die i may not be happy just now but who knows what the future brings and yet it disturbs me how much comfort i find in thinking about death its like i have no control over myself, i have managed to take control and stop me hurting me at the last second, what the hell is that about, like i said i don't want to die but what if next time i don't regain control what then it scares me its like suicide but not with my consent if that makes any sense.

any advice please i am grateful
takecare all xxx.