Wittgenstein is right -- again. (Word games is another great example ;-P)

This is what I've written to you about before: you don't have to hurt yourself to express your pain. You're saying that other people push you to kill yourself, without meaning to, but then at other times you've said that you have to kill yourself to show them how much you hurt. That's something very different.

In eating disorder treatment, there's a sort of mantra: Use Your Voice. The meaning being that, rather than showing our distress through our bodies, we can use our voices to express the same thing verbally. The same most definitely goes for you, too.

Good luck.