I would hope that you could not let her past keep you from genuinely helping her now. While there are children who need more attention from their parents, often there is a reason/event for this type of behavior. We can't know what she's really gone through, but from what you say, she doesn't like either herself or how she feels and feels unable to control things.

Again, you invalidate her--perhaps unknowingly? Self harm in any form (cutting, tattoo, piercings) comes from being unsettled inside. It appears her coping mechanisms involve acting out...in essence, screaming for someone to care enough to help her, yet not knowing how to get help. She might be angry at her mom because mom's are "supposed to" be the ones you can rely upon to care and help you out of any difficulty.

Can you help her in a more direct way? Would you agree that she needs professional help? Can you support her enough to say that you don't know why she acts the way she does, but that you can see she is hurting inside and want happiness for her? How can you facilitate her seeing a psychologist? Babysit? Drive her? Trying to mind read someone's thinking as to why they do what they do just isn't good science. Judging her intentions just doesn't work either. Could you be angry because she did get attention that you felt belonged to you (though I'm upset with any parent that thinks love has to be divided up) ? You, nor I, and maybe not she, know exactly why she does what she does, or why she feels how she feels.

I would hate to see the family, you, continue to invalidate her and realize how wrong you were about her depression if she chooses to take her life. I agree that post-partum depression may be making things even worse.

She needs help today. Please be the caring sister and reach out, in love. ((((Mary Ann)))) Realize that your mom didn't make herself the way she was, and some of that can be genetic as well. No one wants to feel bad and hate life.

Good for you to post here trying to help her, though.