Oh nuts. Instead of letting it go, I kinda slipped and told him that I want him We had gone on a really really long walk and though there were plenty of opportunities for something to happen, I kept quiet about my feelings. But later at home I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with bottling all of this up that it just spilled. I mean I felt like banging my head against the wall or maybe driving my car off a cliff if I had to keep it a secret any longer. BTW I don't know how can some people just be open like that! I mean I felt like a target on a shooting range. He didn't shoot me though. So I'm relieved. Eventhough I still don't know if he feels the same or thinks I'm just a silly girl with a crush, I think I'm happy I told him (the final verdict is still pending though, it's a battle between "happy to have tried" and "moving to mongolia"). At least I won't have to wonder what if. And I know I did exactly what you all predicted, but being with him and talking with him makes me happy. I smile all the time, and I feel warm and happy when I think of him. That's unbelievebly rare for me. Don't I deserve that? Why shouldn't I get to be happy?

I've read what I wrote earlier and *not that it's any news for me* I can see that I am totally unstable and inconsistent. And kind of an addict. At the moment I'm in some withdrawl type of thing, because yesterday he left to Switzerland and won't be back before monday.

Therapy appt on friday, earliest I could get..