I have always avoided mirrors but for a long time I thought it was just because I didn't like how I looked.

I used to think I looked like my mother. I wanted to because I lost her when I was young and missed her dearly.

I was estranged from my father from when I was 15 to 48 years of age... 8 years ago now. It took a lot of healing for us to resolve our history.

One day I caught a look at myself and I saw my father. Even though we had resolved most of our history it devestated me. I felt disloyal to my mother. I felt I had lost my last piece of her. I would see my brother and sister and their similarities to my mom was obvious. I was so jealous of them to have her features, her skin colour, her hair.

It took some time for me to accept my face. It took time for me to see myself as my own person and to accept how I looked without it needing to define me.

You have made an important connection to a part of your life that needs healing. Give yourself time to get used to that need. It may not sit right with you at the moment. That is okay. Give it time. You are not your mother and you will not do what your mother did and she can't hurt you anymore. It will take time to believe that.

Healing wants to come. That is why you struggle to face her in the mirror. You want to be free of that attachment. You want to know your own self, see your own self. Give it time. Rest in the knowledge that she can't hurt you any more and the hurt she caused you can be healed. Everything in its perfect time. Rest easy. Its okay.

Everything will be okay.