Thank you all for caring and your support. It means so much right now. I feel so vulnerable and raw right now and it hurts. I do not understand so much and feel lost in it all. Sometimes almost as if I do not belong to this mind. And I am not sure I want to. Being pulled apart inside and out with feelings and thoughts that seem to not be my own.

Being responsible yet not even knowing what is taking place at times. Seeming to say or feel the wrong things and yet, I don't understand. Words sometimes coming out of my mouth while inside is screaming something else. And feeling wrong for feeling anything at all.

This feels as though a war is within myself and I am being pulled apart. Pushing away from everyone yet trying to keep just one foot from stepping totally away. Needing someone deep within yet screaming without "GET AWAY." And nothing making sense.

I feel yet I don't, I speak yet silent, I reach yet seem to grasp air, I need yet push away, I am yet I feel I am not. It hurts.

....