Hello lost,

Welcome to PC. I don't know that I can help you but I can support you. If you don't want a therapist or meds then you have to sort of work it out yourself, but we are here to support. And there are some wonderful people on here who will be able to help you in some way.

I'm not judging you as gay and it wouldn't matter to me if you were gay, you are a person who needs help and whom I'm happy to support, if that helps then I'm glad, please don't feel alone and don't hate yourself.

There are some people who don't figure out their sexuality until they are in their 40's or 50's, some even later so please stop judging yourself and accept that you may be somewhat confused and afraid of who you are.

I honestly feel that you would benefit from at least a vacation to your old town and a visit to your longer term friends. You may find a level of comfort there, or you may find that you are better off there than living in a town where the only passtime is smoking drugs; though I don't condemn M smokers I wonder at its ability to help anything other than chronic pain because it is a depressant which leads to dependency and phsycosis (from all research read and from personal experience with sister and her loser bf).

I really wish the best for you and I really hope you do benefit from being here with us,

Rhiannon