I know for me I cannot understand what I am feeling or why unless I first take the time to calm myself down. If I am feeling very impulsive, aggressive, or rageful I just can't sort out my thoughts. I use calming coping skills to help calm the emotions. Take a time out and leave the conversation or situation if it is possible. Then I will do something relaxing like exercise, a walk, a shower or bath, or listen to soothing music. I do try to use mindfulness while I do these things. That is pay attention to what I'm doing and not think about the situation that upsets me. It takes work, but after years of practice I usually can calm myself without lashing out at someone. If I still feel, after I have calmed down, that the reaction was significant then I can try to journal, talk to someone, or think and figure out what triggered the emotion and how to better cope with it next time. I just find it impossible to do ANYTHING productive when I am experiencing very strong emotion and I don't even try to do anything but calm myself unless I really have to. Even if that means going to the bathroom just to have 5 minutes alone!